Step off the merry-go-round of victimhood
What do you do when you are dealing with someone in your immediate environment who is in victim mode?
At first glance, this seems very difficult. The other person is playing the victim because it benefits them. Namely, they don't have to look at their own part in the situation. But above all, they don't have to feel the emotions that lie beneath. The fear of pain, powerlessness, and sadness, and the acknowledgment of their own inability, is so great that they prefer to assume the role of victim and try to place all the blame on the other person. And it doesn't matter what illogical twists and turns they have to go through to do so. Nor does it matter what means are necessary to achieve this and what it will cost them.
Anything is better than facing your deeper emotions. And that's such a shame. Because those emotions are not at all as scary or negative as you make them out to be. Those emotions in themselves do not make you any less worthy or turn you into a failure. They are messengers. They tell you a story about yourself. They make it clear to you that something in the situation is not as it should be. They tell you that there are limiting thoughts that prevent you from behaving as you really are. And they want to make you aware of the desires you actually have. So they are clues to help you decide for yourself what might suit you better, so that you can be more in line with who you really are and can be.
Those deeper emotions are actually the most beautiful gifts you can give yourself. By allowing them and exploring them , you give yourself the opportunity to (once again) become more aligned with who you truly are. They are therefore enormous opportunities to grow and develop yourself further.
And yet people prefer to remain stuck in fear because they are afraid of their own judgments about themselves. And precisely because of this, they only confirm what they think of themselves. Through their persistent, constant attention and focus on the way they see the situation, they perpetuate their own victimhood and continue to encounter situations that confirm it. Until they finally realize that it is simply a choice to believe that you are not your emotion, but that an emotion is only a messenger, and they take action.
Until then, the only thing you can do as a bystander is decide to stop participating in that cycle of victimhood. If you choose to step off that merry-go-round and refuse to engage with it anymore, you will not only give yourself more peace and love, but you will ultimately help the other person the most.
And yes, the other person may play the victim and portray you in an unfavorable light to others. And that is logical. Some people will be drawn to that victimhood because they also like to hide behind that role. And naturally, they want to help each other reinforce their respective roles. They will not be inclined to take a more detached view of the situation in order to assess it more objectively and therefore more accurately. If they were to do so, it would mean that they would also have to take a more objective view of themselves.
On the one hand, the incorrect image is reinforced and, as a result, perhaps also an incorrect image of you if you play a role in that victim story. And because you have a more nuanced view of the story, that may feel incorrect and unjustified. But those are also emotions that you can use as messengers. These emotions give you the opportunity to make your own choice about what you want to attract.
You can also choose to put energy into trying to correct the image that those followers have of the other person. But what do you gain from that? Isn't that also energy that takes you away from who you really are? How important is it that those followers in the victim's story have a "correct" image of you? Are those people who want to achieve the same things as you? Are those reactions that suit you? Is this the kind of behavior and feeling you want to connect with and therefore attract for yourself?
If you have a different perspective on the situation, stand up for what feels right to you. And trust that there are other people who, like you, see through the victim role and realize that things are probably different from how they appear. Because you, too, attract people with your attitude. People who fit with how you see the situation and who will help you achieve what you want to attract for yourself and the other person.
You will then notice that you are gradually distancing yourself from the role that the other person has taken on. And that, step by step, you are distancing yourself more and more from that other person. Not because you want to, but because you are starting to see that it is necessary for the other person to move on. And because it is necessary for you to achieve what you need to move on yourself.
And if that person fails to realize that he or she is stuck in a role that he or she could escape by looking at the situation differently, then there will even come a day when you realize that you want to step off that merry-go-round of victimhood altogether. You then withdraw completely because you have experienced that there is no point in fighting against the tide of what the other person wants to achieve for themselves.
It only costs you unnecessary time, energy, and sadness, leaving you with a bad feeling time and time again. Not because you didn't achieve anything at that moment, but because deep down you know that you forced something against the grain that ultimately didn't yield the result you had in mind. This is because it was caused by what you wanted to achieve for the other person and not by what that person is achieving for themselves.
And that is so frustrating and disappointing that you eventually realize that you are better off focusing your energy and attention on what you can achieve and what feels right for you, and letting go of the other person for the time being. Not because you no longer care about them, but because you realize that you are not the one who is right for them at this moment in time.
Give the other person time to go their own way. And decide for yourself what you really want. Is this still someone who fits into your life, or are you letting them go completely? Or are you leaving the door open for them and choosing a path for yourself that depends solely on your own appeal, in the hope that one day you will achieve what you have in mind?
Whatever you choose, make sure it feels right and that the choice you make is in line with what really suits you.
Additional tips for this blog
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