The silent pain of bullying in elementary school: Impact and recognition
Have you ever wondered how many children are affected by bullying every day? The answer is shocking! According to the report 'The State of Education 2024', no less than 17% of all primary school pupils are bullied. That means that in every class, an average of four to five children are victims of bullying. Four to five children who go to school every day with a knot in their stomach. Unimaginable, right?
Bullying is like an invisible epidemic spreading through our schools. It creeps in quietly, often unnoticed by adults, but with devastating consequences for the children it affects. And the worst part? These consequences don't stop when the school bell rings for the last time.
In this blog, I will take you into the world of a bullied child. What actually goes on in the mind and heart of a child who is being bullied? What traces does it leave behind, not only now but also later? And more importantly, what can we do about it together?
Because there is hope. There are solutions. But first, we must dare to look at what bullying really does to a child. Because only when we truly understand the impact can we intervene effectively and prevent more children from having to live with this silent pain.
How can you recognize bullying in elementary school?
When a child is bullied in elementary school, the consequences are often immediately noticeable and deeply profound. The changes usually start subtly. A child who used to go to school happily becomes increasingly quiet. The carefree look slowly but surely disappears from their eyes.
One of the first and most visible consequences is that children no longer feel safe at school. The place where they should feel free and protected is turning into a source of fear. Every corner of the schoolyard, every break, even the walk to the gym can cause tension. They are constantly on guard, afraid of what is to come.
The self-confidence of bullied children is dented every day. Where they were once proud of their new drawing or enthusiastically gave their presentation, they now begin to doubt themselves. Thoughts such as "Maybe I am weird?" or "It must be my fault" increasingly haunt their minds. This not only affects their self-image, but also their ability to stand up for themselves.
The impact of bullying on school performance is inevitable for many. How can you concentrate on a math problem when you're worried about what will happen during recess? Children who are bullied find it increasingly difficult to focus during class. Their grades decline, not because they don't understand the material, but because their heads are too full of worries.
Bullying also leaves physical scars. Stomachaches become a constant companion, especially on Monday mornings. Headaches, loss of appetite, and fatigue are not uncommon. They lie awake at night, worrying about the next school day. And they have nightmares and disturbed sleep patterns.
The social life of a bullied child often shrinks like a balloon slowly deflating. They withdraw from group activities or are not invited to participate because of the bullying. Some children increasingly seek out a quiet corner during break time. The loneliness that results from this makes them even more vulnerable to further bullying.
These are just a few examples of signs, and not all of them are noticed by parents and teachers. Even though they are silent cries for help.
A child who is being bullied at primary school will not always tell anyone straight away. It is up to us—parents, teachers, and other adults—to recognize these signs, respond appropriately, and discuss them together. Because the sooner we talk to each other, the sooner we can see the whole picture and take action, reducing the risk of lasting emotional damage.
Long-term impact on a child's self-confidence
The consequences of bullying do not simply disappear on their own. The emotional scars that develop during those school years can continue to affect people well into adulthood. They are like tiny seeds of insecurity that, without the right help and attention, can grow into deep-rooted problems.
Many adults who were bullied in their youth still struggle with damaged self-esteem. The voices of those bullies in the schoolyard can still echo in their heads years later. "You're not good enough" or "You don't belong" are beliefs that have become deeply ingrained in their thought patterns. This negative self-talk not only affects how they view themselves, but also how they behave in relationships and at work.
Building and maintaining healthy relationships can be particularly challenging. The fear of being hurt again, of not being "good enough" again, can lead to reluctance to form new friendships or romantic relationships. Some people build a wall around themselves—safe, but lonely. Others become overly pleasing, always seeking validation and acceptance.
Traces of bullying can also become visible in the work environment. Giving presentations, participating in meetings, or even casual conversations at the coffee machine can be triggers that bring old fears back to the surface. Career opportunities are sometimes missed. Not because of a lack of talent, but because of a lack of courage to be visible.
The impact on mental health can be far-reaching. Research shows that people who were bullied in their childhood have an increased risk of developing anxiety disorders and depressive symptoms. The constant feeling of vigilance that they developed as children can manifest itself as chronic stress in adulthood.
The importance of early recognition and intervention
Precisely because the consequences can be so far-reaching, it is crucial to recognize and address bullying at an early stage. If we wait until the damage has already been done, the recovery process will only become longer and more difficult. The good news is that there is a growing understanding of the impact of bullying and, with that, more opportunities for help and recovery.
Practical help with bullying at school
The fight against bullying requires a joint approach. It starts with awareness—among children, parents, teachers, and the entire school community. Creating a safe school environment is not only the responsibility of the school, but of all of us.
It is essential that we teach children to stand up for themselves and others. This means not only addressing bullying behavior, but also cultivating empathy and understanding for differences. Schools can play a crucial role in this by implementing structural anti-bullying programs and creating a culture in which bullying is not tolerated.
A wonderful example of how we can help children deal with bullying can be found in the bookElfje Isabelle en het geheim van vertrouwen(Elf Isabelleand theSecret ofTrust) by Lyona Rose. In this story, we follow Lola, a girl who is being bullied, and see how Elfje Isabelle helps her rediscover her inner strength. As a result, she not only manages to stop the bullying and make new friends, but the bully also receives the help and support she needs. Stories like this not only help children recognize their situation, but also give them practical tools to deal with it.
Open communication is vital in this regard. Children must feel safe to share their experiences, knowing that they will be taken seriously and that action will be taken. This requires the active involvement of parents and teachers, who are alert to signs and know how to respond to them.
Conclusion
The road from being bullied to recovery can be long and challenging, but there is always hope. It is important that we as a society do not turn a blind eye to the impact that bullying has on our children. By intervening early, by giving children the right tools, and by creating an environment in which bullying is not tolerated, we can make a difference.
Because every child deserves to feel safe at school. Every child deserves to be able to be themselves, without fear of bullying. And with the right approach, the right support, and the right understanding, we can ensure that fewer and fewer children have to deal with the painful reality of bullying.
Use a book to make bullying a topic of discussion
Do you want to make bullying a topic of discussion for your child(ren)? Then use the book Elfje Isabelle en het geheim van vertrouwen voor kinderen (Elf Isabelle and the secret of trust for children) by Lyona Rose. This is a book for children aged 7–9 about a girl named Lola who goes to school with a knot in her stomach because she is being bullied by a group of girls. But then Elf Isabelle comes to her rescue. If she succeeds in helping Lola believe in herself more, Elfje Isabelle will be freed from her golden ball containing Lola's negative thoughts.
This latest book by the versatile author Lyona Rose will be released on May 7, 2025. And only at the publisher's will you also receive a power card and a bookmark from Elfje Isabelle.
